Monday, July 9, 2007

psychotic jealousy

it's sad how a good ole friendship suddenly turned out to devastation.. hate.. annoyance.. exaperation.. all-in-one translated as---cessation.. what's more excruciating is when it's stimulus is a psychotic jealousy.. in other words--selfishness.. could anything be more fatuous?..

funny thing is i don't exactly know how to end it--the friendship and/or the cause..

everything's really vague to me.. i have lose grip on something already just for the sake of that so-called darned friendship.. but now i'm getting it back--the thing that i had let go.. everything's been done in a damn silent way..

the only thing clear is.. it wasn't my will.. neither my fault.. it'll be hard.. for me.. i don't know with the other end of the thread.. you got mad -at me- just bcos of it... i didn't even do anything.! you took me for granted.. it hurts.. being an option and then a piace of i-got-jealous-coz-of-you thingy.. maybe it's my fate.. sad bcos it's gotta be you who plays with the other end of the thread.. a thread called friendship..

i love you.. that's a fact. i owe you so many things.. maybe,just maybe, it's an enough reason for me to keep holding on to the thread.. sorry i can't give you what you want.. i thought letting go of the one you want makes me worthy of your friendship.. but i was wrong.. total wrong.. silly me.. actually, i don't have any intentions of getting anything that's yours.. i didn't want you to get jealous.. to a friend to be exact..

i'm not gonna be the one putting it to an end.. i'm still here--on the hold.. i don't wanna lose you.. but if it is really meant,. i don't know..

i always tell my self "that does it!".. but when i look back to all the good(sometimes even bad) things that had happened,, i still wana believe it's still worth holding on.. i wish i could do anything to fix this..

is there someone concerned enough to help me??.. i'm not even certain if anyone understand or even read this abstract blog of mine.. but if with great miracle, someone understands me,, please,, do leave a comment..

No comments: